


Burdens to Pére

by orphan_account



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Depression, F/M, Gen, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-08-03 07:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16322009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Adrien gets akumatized, he learns something about his father that he almost wished he never would. If Gabriel Agreste goes to jail, then Adrien is left to float around the world with no home. Keeping quiet must be better than that, right?





	1. Party Planning Problems

**Author's Note:**

> There's self harm and depression galore in this fic, along with multiple kinds of child abuse. If you have a trigger related to any of that, careful aight?

    “S-so may I go, Father?” It wasn't rare for Adrien to spend a weekend alone, as his friends were few and far between. He didn't have much of a social life, to be honest, though his father's job required him to appear at numerous parties, watching young women of similar social status attempting to woo him. The parties that Adrien had to go to, could be described best as chores. Almost on one hand, he could count the parties he had ever been to and enjoyed. His fifteenth birthday didn't count, it was both planned and thrown by an akuma, but his sixteenth, and seventeenth had been a blast. Some of the best memories of his life came from those parties, and his best friend Nino had thrown all of them. For every year that Adrien had known Nino, he had been invited to Nino's birthday. And just as many times, he had not been able to attend. This year was Nino's eighteenth. There was no way that Adrien wasn't, at the very least, showing up. He had planned on throwing the party himself, because he doubted anyone would know his best friend better than he did. It was the last year of high school, June was approaching, and Adrien knew Nino would want to go out with a bang.

    Alya was thinking along the same lines. 

    “So, Adrien, May fifteenth,” Alya stated, turning around to say with an eyebrow raised to indicate that he BETTER know what she was talking about. A Wednesday morning in May, a beautiful one at that, but school wouldn't let out for another month or so. It was first period, Physics, and Nino had Physics 4th period, so Alya wasn't afraid of talking about the surprise birthday party she was surely referencing. Adrien was busying himself with preparing his notebook for the notes he knew he would have to write, early to class as always. He chose what was in his opinion, the best seat. Front row, complete left. Alya sat next to him, because Marinette didn't have Physics this period either.

    “Of course,” Adrien said with a nod, to say that who do you take me for, I already have the balloons ordered.

    “Surprise party, day after, setting up starts at 10 am.” Alya handed him a paper, with all the necessary details written down. Location, time, excuse for why Nino absolutely MUST go to this park when such a beautiful Saturday would probably would have been spent cramming for the upcoming exams, (Adrien apparently wanted to study in the sun) and the party was planned, not a hair out of place. This was going to be the best party of Nino's life.

     For the most part, the rest of the day went by without anything interesting happening. He did have a test coming up in English (even though finals were just around the corner, what teacher could be so cruel), but really, all he did today was scribble down notes. PE was probably the most interesting class of the day, someone got a nosebleed from a dodgeball. Adrien walked them over to the nurse's office, and class was almost over by the time they got back to class. Now though, class was over, and Adrien was on the way home. He couldn't stop thinking.

    Adrien knew that his father would take some convincing, considering that he hadn't let Adrien go to any of Nino's previous parties, and Adrien was… less than confident. Adrien didn't want to ask much of his father, because doing so usually ended badly. But, he was eighteen now, and his father could no longer control Adrien so much that he couldn't have a single day off. Hopefully. His father was distant at best, and at worst… Anyway, he couldn’t help but yearn for the freedom that living alone would give him. For now, the nights that Adrien spent bounding across rooftops in a faux leather catsuit was all the freedom he had. Though his Lady was the real plan maker of the duo, as Adrien sat in his bodyguards car, being driven away from his home to his house, he couldn't stop thinking about Hawkmoth’s next move. It seemed that for every step forward he and Ladybug took in becoming stronger, Hawkmoth met them with harder and harder akumas. How would they even hope to beat him, when he always kept them on their toes? With all the akumas that had been created lately, there was no time to search for the man behind the mask. Adrien guessed that was the only real way to beat him; he and his Lady couldn't really knock on every person in Paris's door and ask if they were Hawkmoth. So, for now, the only thing there was to do was to fight the akumas Hawkmoth sent, and wait for another. At least he had one part of his life that wasn't incredibly, soul crushingly, boring. And because of all this pondering, Adrien didn't stop and think about what he would say when would try to convince his father to let him help plan a party. When Adrien realized he was only a few minutes away from his house, he did the normal thing, and panicked. 

 

    However timid an avid Gabriel Agreste fan could be, they couldn't begin to match how nervous Adrien became around his father. A mixture of pale faced stammering and “Y-yes sirs”, his father was the one person he could never present a charming model smile to. Adrien steeled himself in preparation, ready to let his inner Chat Noir surface as a last resort, and before he knew it, Adrien was outside his father’s door. Two knocks, and Nathalie opened the door, a blank face as always. Adrien thanked her, and walked inside.

    “S-so may I go, Father?” Adrien said. After a tight lipped greetings’ from his father, Adrien had launched into an explanation of what he hoped to accomplish this weekend. Set up decorations at the park Saturday morning, and lead Nino there at around noon. Now, he stood there in front of his father’s immaculate desk, heart beating a bit faster than it ought to be. His father sat, fingers tented, a blank expression on his face. His father hadn't said anything during Adrien's explanation of his request.

    “Adrien.” Gabriel said, in that special voice of his, reserved for the moments he and his son had alone in his office. Adrien swallowed, almost involuntarily.

   “Yes, Fa- yes, Sir?” Adrien stood up straighter, trying to pass the unspoken test his father administered every time the two made eye contact.

    “That boy, Nino? It’s HIS birthday, correct?” Gabriel stood up. Adrien took a step back, trying to calm the heart that was trying to leap out of his throat. This was not going to go well.

    “Yes, Sir,” Adrien answered. Gabriel stiffly walked over to the other side of the desk, and stood in front of Adrien, towering over him. 

    “You know very well what I think of your friend. He's a bad influence on you. Before you started ‘hanging around’ with him, your grades were much higher, you were excelling at piano. I tolerate the parties he throws, as a birthday present. I assume the party would be held at the boy's house. Unless your bodyguard has an invitation as well, how will I know that you are where you say you are?” Gabriel questioned.

    “The party is at the park, like I told you.” Adrien stated with clenched teeth. “He can come if he really has to, but I’m 17. Shouldn't you just give me the benefit of the doubt?”

    “Adrien, you're a child. You WILL listen to me. You are my employee, and my son. I say jump, and you ask how high. You will not be attending your friend's party.”

    “Father--” Gabriel stiffened and took a step forward. “I mean sir, I’m sorry, I,” Adrien started to back up, but then thought better of it. He stood his ground. “I’m going to be going off to college, in what, the next year? I’ve been sending out applications, and I should get letters back sometime soon… I won't always be around, one day, I'm going to leave.” Adrien waited for his reaction, throar dry.

    “Where are you getting the money?” Gabriel asked, a small smile on his face.

    “I thought… maybe you could help?” Adrien hadn't planned on asking his father for college money today. He just wanted to go to Nino's birthday party. Somehow, every single time he talked to his father it went like this. Gabriel grilling him, Adrien desperately trying to keep calm.

    “Sales have been down this season, you’ll be getting no handouts. You need to focus on your career. You've skipped two photoshoots to ‘study’ and you come to me for money?”

    “Look,” he snapped. “I just want to go to Nino's party. We can talk about this later.” He clenched his teeth as he watched his father’s mouth tighten in distaste, as if he had eaten something particularly unsavory. Suddenly, Gabriel clamped his hand down on Adrien's forearm. Tears pricked in the young adult's eyes as he silently berated himself for his mistake. He closed his eyes, refusing to let the tears fall, to let his father see how easily he came undone. Gabriel's other hand found its way to Adrien’s stomach, as he delivered an uppercut. Adrien stumbled, from the force of the blow, but Gabriel tugged his arm forward, dragging him along. 

    “Control yourself,” Gabriel said cooly. “You will have no dinner tonight. You must learn the consequences of your actions. You are dismissed.” Gabriel turned, walked back over to his desk and sat down. He gazed at Adrien, who was clutching his stomach and trying not to vomit onto his father's floor. With a single look, Gabriel dared Adrien, dared him to speak up and make things worse. Adrien was never one to refuse a challenge.

    “I'm almost eighteen,” Adrien reminded Gabriel in a choked voice. “I could leave any time and live on my own.” 

    “And once again, where are you getting all this money from?” Gabriel asked with a slight chuckle in his voice. “All you have is modeling, Adrien. You're nothing more than a pretty face. Do you plan on becoming a male prostitute? Would that fix your horrible, painful life? This is as good as it's going to get. You're lucky that I haven’t thrown you out. Be grateful, you insolent brat.”

   Adrien tried as hard as he could not to let out a sob, and with teeth still clenched, Adrien walked out of Gabriel Agreste's office. To his room, grabbing the scarf his father made him all those years ago as the only comfort item he had, a promise that his father still loves him, that things will be okay, and then to his bathroom, lifting his shirt to check the bruise that had already began to form under his rib cage. 

    ‘Lucky that there’s no modeling jobs coming up any time soon.’ Adrien thought to himself. ‘Lucky that my father is so kind to let Adrien stay under his roof.’ Adrien let out the sob he had been holding, hoping desperately that his father couldn’t hear him, that his father wouldn’t feel the satisfaction of knowing that he had gotten under his son’s skin. Adrien fell backwards, letting himself drop onto the plush carpet that covered the small portion of the floor next to his shower. He brought his knees in, close to himself, as he cried. Clutching his scarf close to his chest, Adrien scolded himself. ‘God, I'm pathetic. I better text Alya and tell her I can't make it. Can't believe I'm letting my best friend down again, for the fourth year in a row.’

    “Kid, you okay?” Plagg asked tentatively, as he flew next to his charge.

    “Y-yeah, I'll be fine,” Adrien said, lying through his teeth. ‘Things aren't fine,’ he thought to himself. ‘They haven't been for a long time. I just want this to stop. God damnit. I shouldn't have snapped at him. It's my fault for making him angry. I just need to stop.’ Plagg gasped, and backed up for a second. 

    “Adrien, Adrien, look to your right, Adrien!” The boy turned his head slowly, eyes dull, then jolted as he saw a dark purple butterfly flutter through the small window slat high on the wall. Adrien backed up, and stared numbly at the approaching insect. 

    “Adrien, give me your ring, please!” Plagg begged. Adrien slowly pulled the miraculous off of his finger, holding it in the palm of his hand, still too shocked to do much else. Plagg grabbed the ring, and darted out of sight just in time for the akuma to sink into Adrien's baby blue scarf, now turning a deep inky black.

    “Momma's Boy,” a voice in Adrien's head began, as the saturated lavender butterfly symbol appeared over his face. “No parent should act the way yours does. I can give you the power to make every parent in Paris happy and complacent. All you need to do is get me Ladybug and Chat Noir's miraculouses,” the voice said charmingly.

    “Yes, Sir,” Momma’s Boy said, a dark smile on his face. “One of those is easy,” he began. “After all, I’m Chat Noir.” 

    “Adrien?!” Hawkmoth exclaimed in disbelief, the loud shout echoing inside of Momma’s Boy’s skull. “That ring… Where is your miraculous now?” Hawkmoth asked sharply.

    “I gave it to my Kwami, before you gave me my powers. Don't worry, I'll find him easily.” 

    “Good. Now Adrien, go find Ladybug. We can get your ring afterwards.” Adrien smiled once more, the second time he had in a long while.

    “Yes sir. But Father, it's Momma's Boy now.” Adrien stood up, and made for the bathroom door.

    “F-father?” Hawkmoth choked. Momma’s Boy stopped, as an odd look came over his face as he realized what he had said.

    “Yes, you are my father,” Momma's Boy said, now sure. “I'm glad we're working together now, Father.” Momma's Boy walked out of his room, on his way to find Ladybug.

 

 

    “Bye bye little butterfly,” was the first thing Adrien heard when his body became his own again.

    “Huh? Ladybug? What happened?” Adrien glanced down at his hands to figure out which of his identities he currently was, when on his left hand… His ring. What had happened came back to him. The akuma, his father's voice, it was all a blur. His father...

    “Adrien, you were akumatized, but it's okay now,” Ladybug answered, putting a hand on his shoulder. Her earrings beeped, and Ladybug moved the hand on his shoulder to her ear. 

    “That's my cue,” she sighed. “But… Adrien, don't be afraid to talk to someone.” She bit her lip. “About being akumatized, or, ah, anything else. Bug out!” Adrien only blinked in response. And just like that she swung away, into what was now almost night. Adrien stared numbly in the direction she had left. After a few minutes, he was still standing on the sidewalk, staring off into the distance. The sun was slowly setting, orange leaking into the sky. Pink clouds hovered over the horizon, blending into the orange-purple haze. People walked by, and cars drove past. He watched the sun dip past the horizon, until it was dark. So. His father was Hawkmoth. The man who had been fighting him for years upon years. Adrien didn't want to go back to his house, who would? But he still had no choice, did he? Adrien pulled out his phone, and tried to figure out where the hell he was. Then, he shuffled back to his house.

 

    “Adrien,” His father said, startling Adrien. He had made it home, and halfway to his room, trying as hard as he could to avoid anyone else lurking in the building. He sighed and turned to face the man.

    “Yes, Father?” Adrien answered. His father’s eyes bored into him. Adrien could only hope that his father didn't know he remembered who Hawkmoth really was. Adrien neglected his charming model smile for his best poker face. Adrien met his father’s stare. 

    “If you could control your emotions better, you wouldn't have been akumatized.” Gabriel Agreste turned, and walked away. 

    ‘How DARE he say that, when he's the one who hurt me bad enough to be akumatized? How dare he say that, when he was the one who fucking akumatized me?’ Adrien stewed as he stomped back to his room. He could tell everyone. His father would go to jail. Adrien would be free. But…

    ‘I would be alone. I have no relatives, I'd just bounce around foster homes and never see my fucking friends again. There was nothing he could do. His father was right. He had no miraculous, he had no freedom. And he was lucky that it was only this bad. A rich boy wailing to himself that daddy didn't love him. Adrien knew he didn't deserve to cry. This was all his fault, after all. But he thought he deserved a reward for keeping a straight face when his father had caught him, so Adrien let himself lay down on his bed, and weep. Hours later, when he came to the conclusion that no sleep was coming, Adrien gave up on the idea. He walked over to the light switch by his door, and flicked it on. The sudden change in lighting hurt his eyes, but after a few seconds of shielding his eyes, he focused on a glint, lying on one of the upper shelves of his bookcase. His eyes widened, hoping desperately it was his ring.

    He reached his hand up, and patted the dusty shelf, and grabbed his miraculous, waiting for Plagg's appearance, and his groaning for cheese. It didn't come. It wasn't a ring. In his hand he held a dusty silver pocket knife, a birthday present he bought himself in an effort to convince his father he didn't need a bodyguard anymore. It didn't work, obviously. The knife had sat for years, collecting dust and cobwebs. It was useless.

    ‘Why isn't Plagg back by now? Is he coming back? Maybe… maybe he isn't. I was akumatized. I couldn't control my emotions. I compromised the safety of the miraculous. Hawkmo- Father, was so close to getting my ring. It isn't safe for me to have the miraculous. I don't deserve it.’

    He waited, maybe another 5 minutes, the knife in his hands. Plagg wasn't coming back. Adrien wasn't going to be Chat Noir ever again. He had lost his one source of freedom. He would never get to hang out with Ladybug anymore. There'd be a new Chat Noir chosen. Adrien's grip on the knife tightened. And before he knew it, it had been done.

    It calmed him down almost immediately. The troubles in his mind began to fade, like memories sanded down by years upon years. And so Adrien felt okay. Not good, but okay. A few last shaky breaths, cooling his worn eyes with a damp cloth, and then it was time for bed. 

    ‘I should really text Alya now,” Adrien thought to himself. “Or maybe I could sneak out… But it's hard to go anywhere without attracting any sort of media attention.’ Adrien shuddered as he thought of his friend.

    ‘Oh god, Alya… If she doesn't kill me for not showing up to the party, she'll definitely end me for--’ He glanced down at his arm. One of the red lines he'd sewn in his skin with that dusty old knife bled through the sleeve of his jacket. The jacket was white. He sighed. ‘Guess it's time to get ready for bed anyway,’ he thought. Shrugging off the bloodstained jacket, and tossing it into the trash, where no maid could discover both it and his mistake, Adrien changed into his pajamas. Thankfully, his favorite ladybug shirt was long sleeved, and so he could avoid any questions Nathalie might have if she saw him. He stepped into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and--

   “ADRIEN, THANK GOD,” a tiny voice shouted. Plagg zoomed down from the open window slat high on the wall. In Plagg's (hands? paws?) nubs were his ring.

    “Plagg, you didn't abandon me!” Adrien said in relief. Plagg tossed Adrien the ring, and nuzzled against his cheek, though he quickly regained his composure.

    “Who, me? Never, who else would give me cheese? But that was scary, it took so long that it looked like Ladybug would NEVER beat you.” Plagg said. “Turtle Boy had to be brought back out.”

    “Shit. I hope Ladybug isn't too mad I didn't show up…” Adrien said with a troubled expression on his face.

    “Bring her some camembert and all will be well! Trust me kid, I've known humans for longer than humans have been around, I'm the master of love. And speaking of camembert…” Plagg trailed off.

    “Yeah, yeah, okay, I guess you do deserve it this time. It was pretty smart of you to take the ring before… before…” The memories of what had happened prior to his akumitization flooded back. Adrien said aloud, to HAWKMOTH, that he was Chat Noir. Hawkmoth wanted Chat Noir dead. He was Chat Noir. His father was Hawkmoth. His father wanted him dead. His life was in danger. Unless, maybe, Gabriel Agreste loved his son more than he loved a pair of earrings and a ring.

    ‘Not likely,’ he thought. Did Plagg know? What if Plagg told Master Fu? His father would go to jail. He would be alone. Master Fu couldn't find out. Plagg couldn't find out.

    “Kid?” Plagg said, confused by his sudden silence.

    “Hey, Plagg,” Adrien began tentatively. “What do you think about my father?” Plagg’s expression immediately soured.

    “That child-beating son of a bitch can rot in hell for all I care. Can't wait until CPS gets all up in here and--Ugh.” Plagg huffed and flew out of the room. Adrien left as well, his eyes following the dark blur darting to the makeshift cat bed Adrien had set up for the kwami.

    “I'm gonna go to bed, Kid,” Plagg said. Adrien nodded and walked to his bed as well. He sat down, and slid the ring back onto his finger. It was kind of silly of him to think Plagg wasn't coming back. But, Adrien knew he was right about one thing. He didn't deserve the miraculous. It was dangerous of him to have it. But, he guessed there was no better place for it to be. Even though Ladybug beat him when he was an akuma. 


	2. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, Adrien's night kind of sucked. But he's definitely dealing with it well! Like a champ! And no one's catching on to his mood. So, nothing but good news!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it definitely has been a while since I've updated this fic. 4 months isn't too long! Anyway, hopefully the next chapter won't take as long

Gabriel Agreste, Hawkmoth, couldn't sleep that night. His son. His son was Chat Noir. All these years of work, and his plans meant nothing. Because his son was Chat Noir. On his bed, Gabriel stared up into the ceiling. Moonlight trickled through the slit in between his curtains, illuminating his face. Gabriel sat up, his legs hanging off the side of his bed. On his nightstand, just to his left, sat an alarm clock, flashing 12:00, 12:00, 12:00. Gabriel shifted his gaze down, stopping at the closed drawer the nightstand held. He opened it, pulling out one of the hardest bottles of liquor money could buy. With the bottle, out came two glasses, out of habit. He put one back, his eyes darkening, and poured himself a glass. Long nights filled with various drinks left Gabriel with a high tolerance. In one swallow, he downed the liquor. The burn in his throat hardly matched the burn in his eyes, as tears welled up. His plans. His wife. His hopes, his dreams, all crushed and gone. He had planned on going to get her back. They would have been a family. It would all have been back as it was. But, in order to break the bond of either the Black Cat miraculous or the Ladybug miraculous, the wielder must be exterminated. Gabriel knew this, after years upon years of studying that goddamn book. His wife or his son. His wife or his son. The choice was obvious, for Gabriel. If he could go back in time, he would have convinced Emilie they didn't need any little rugrats running around their house. He could have built his company, his future, his life. Though, over time, Adrien became useful. An heir, an employee who requires no paycheck. The ability to be marketed as a family business. Yes, Adrien had his uses. But, with or without him, Gabriel just wanted the life he’d always knew he deserved. All he needed to do was end Ladybug and Chat Noir, take the miraculouses for himself, and get his wife back. ‘But if I succeed,” Gabriel thought to himself. ‘If I succeed, and Adrien is dead, then Emilie would never forgive me.’ The life that he wanted, that was always just out of his reach, was now impossible. The nuclear family, a wife, a husband, and a kid, now impossible. His wife or his son. He hadn't even meant to akumatize Adrien. The little brat had snapped at him, and so he needed punishment. Figured that he would lose control of himself enough to trigger Gabriel's miraculous. Then suddenly, a way out came to him. A solution, which seemed to come from the heavens, blessing the poor old man whose life had fallen apart. “I'll convince him,” Gabriel muttered to himself. “I'll convince Adrien, one way or another, to join me. I'll get the Black Cat miraculous from his free will, and all will be right.” Gabriel's eyelids drooped, and a yawn forced its way out of his mouth. He almost let himself sink into his feather-filled, luxury mattress, but he wasn't done. There were plans to be made, and he couldn't rest now. Like many artists, Gabriel couldn't sit still until his latest project was done. Gabriel stood up, and put away the whiskey sitting on his nightstand. Pacing around the room, he thought. ‘What if Adrien knows I'm Hawkmoth? Bah, it doesn't matter, I'll tell him that I’m Hawkmoth soon enough, honestly should build trust in his tender little heart. If he says no, I'll threaten him. He's afraid of me, which is almost funny. As Chat Noir, he could win in a fight against me, no trouble. But, the boy is a little idiot. I can manipulate him, easily, so I should have no issues with this. I'll get her back. I can do this.’ An alarm rang, just a couple hours after Gabriel Agreste finally went to sleep, satisfied with his plans. This particular alarm, however, did not belong to Gabriel Agreste. Not an alarm clock, but a much younger phone. Adrien fumbled around for his phone, eyes still closed. Just out of his reach, the phone kept sounding its alarm. Cursing under his breath, Adrien sat up, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. It was still too early for the sun to be up, but a sun just as bright was told by his father to get up at this godforsaken hour. And so, Adrien had to get ready for school. But who cared, really? An hour passed, it was now around 7:00. Usually, Adrien leaves at 7:15. Nathalie must have let him sleep in because of what happened last night. He would almost certainly be late for school. A quick glance towards the cat bed sitting on his shelf, (Plagg said that it was demeaning, and that he wasn't really a cat, but he still sleeps in it, so who knows) and Adrien saw that Plagg was still asleep. He tugged back the sleeve of his pajamas, revealing his left forearm. The cuts had stopped bleeding, of course. It would be a hassle to wear a long sleeve shirt every day for the next few weeks, considering it was May, but Adrien supposed his mistakes were his to live with. At least he would get to see his friends again today. Tugging his sleeve back up his arm, he stepped out of bed. Time to get ready. Adrien had to skip breakfast to get into his bodyguard’s car on time, but Father was always telling him he ate too much anyway. His bodyguard switched out of park, and they were off to school. Plagg was asleep in his backpack, as usual. His bodyguard was silent, as usual. Still, the day was anything but usual. Yesterday, he had been akumatized. Yesterday, he found out his father was Hawkmoth. Adrien was the only one who knew, and that was terrifying to him. Because it meant he had a decision to make. ‘If I go to the police,’ Adrien thought, in the backseat of his bodyguard's car. ‘They wouldn't believe me. Or, they would, but Father would bribe them to keep it from the public. Last time I went to the police…’ Adrien shut his eyes, tight, and took a deep breath. Thinking about that would only make him feel worse. Adrien perked up, thinking of his lady. ‘At least I get to see her later today,’ he thought. ‘Scheduled patrol. Weekdays are usually pretty empty, when it comes to non-akuma crime, so there'll be more time to talk!’ Lately, life had been excruciatingly boring for Adrien. Video games, anime, fencing, nothing he usually loved gave him any sort of satisfaction. He would start an activity, and give up minutes after. Recently his only hobby has been laying in bed with the lights off, scrolling through his phone. Fighting akumas, and seeing Ladybug, though? That’s what made him feel alive. And, he reminded himself, he would get to see all his other friends today as well. It could be a good day, maybe! Adrien took a deep breath, and tried to convince himself that everything would be okay. He didn't convince himself. But either way, life would go on, whether Adrien was ready or not. And so, he pulled out his phone, brought up the Ladyblog, and passed time while waiting for the car to get to school. School was almost always one of his favorite parts of the day. Adrien knew the average teen experience, something he'd always wanted to live, was to hate school with a passion. But, he could never bring himself to even PRETEND that his love for school didn't hold a blazing torch in his heart. It rivaled even that of Ladybug's flame, as large as it was. School had his friends, the part of his freedom which didn't require a pair of cat ears, and it held-- Okay, yeah, it held learning. Adrien had long ago given up trying to hate school, and so accepting his love of learning was a bit easier. Maybe he wasn't doing that well in school as of now, between his job, his secret identity, and sleeping, he could get in no time for studying, but Adrien still loved to learn. He did his best to take a variety of classes, dabbling in pottery, (didn't do so good) guitar, (wow it is NOT like the piano) and at one point yoga. He had a tendency to bounce from one hobby to another, but the only ones that had really stuck were fencing and piano. Adrien couldn't really remember how he had gotten into either of them, but-- Oh. Right. It had been years, and the memories had faded, but he'd always had a knack for sounds. The click of long, painted nails against smooth ivory. The bold quivers of a violin, matching to each clink. The tinkle of his mother's delighted laugh, as clear as a bell. His parents had loved to perform together, dancing a conversation that needed no words. These performances weren't for the public, never for the public. He'd practiced it too, making sure that neither his father nor his mother knew. For years, Adrien practiced, just because he had wanted to surprise them. He didn't know how they would have reacted. He knew how his father reacted of course, not at all. But his father was different, back then. How would he have reacted? How would she have reacted? Was he intruding on something that was for them, and them alone? Was the family he dreamt of, the hope he held in his mind, something not desired by either of them? It was stupid. He was stupid, he wasn't smart, he wasn't good at school, he barely even had any friends what's the point what's the point what's the-- Adrien unclenched his fists. He wiped the tears in his eyes, and sniffled. His bodyguard, eyes just visible in the rearview mirror, frowned, and his eyebrows tightened. Adrien avoided his gaze, reached forward, and pressed the button to move the separator between the front seat and the back seat up. It was time for school, and there wasn't space for this on his schedule. Another few minutes until he got to see his friends. He tugged down his sleeve, and was almost surprised when he saw he wasn't wearing his white button-up. Instead, he wore a black hoodie, which would probably be better suited for fall. It was 90° today. God. Damnit. Tomorrow was Nino's birthday, and Marinette hadn't been more excited in her life. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but still. It was almost Nino's birthday! Yes, she'd gotten invited to his last few birthdays, and yes, she went, but Marinette always felt like she was there just because Alya was her best friend. This year, she'd been getting closer to Nino, and she could genuinely say they were friends. Luckily, she jumped in on the Nino friendship wagon just in time for his 18th. Alya had been planning it for a pretty long time, so Marinette figured it was safe to assume the party would go as planned. After all, Alya LITERALLY started planning it the day after his 17th birthday, and Alya was never one to have plans that fall apart. Needless to say, this weekend would be a blast. As Marinette walked into her classroom, first period, she immediately focused on, uh, heh, Adrien. Her friend. Staring straight ahead, she walked past his desk. And okay, maybe she was watching him through peripheral vision but that was a beautiful blurry smudge, so there. But, when you're walking and not paying attention, and happen to have the name Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the inevitable happens. An untied shoelace, a inhale of breath, and-- “OH FUCK,” screamed Marinette, as she hurtled towards the floor. She caught herself, the shock running through her wrists and absorbed by her arms, which were a bit too muscular for a baker's daughter. “Language,” mumbled Adrien, under his breath. Marinette stiffened, and blushed. “Sorry!” She squeaked. She then sighed, and dusted her hands off on her pants. By this time of the year, the weight of the backpack strapped to her shoulders was like an extension of her body. She could dive off a building, do a backflip, and then swoop back up with this baby on. God, she wished she had a locker. She got to her knees, and then stood up. She got to choose her desk in this class, and her friend group was all in this class, so the four took their usual places in the seating chart. Marinette was, of course, second row from the front, very right column, inner side. Alya sat next to her, Adrien in front of her, and Nino to Adrien's left. Marinette was early today, for the first time in about 10 years. The only other kids in the class this early were Rose, Mylene, herself, and (sigh) Adrien. Of course, it was a special occasion today, so she HAD to be early. Marinette had a nice two days of pretending she had forgotten Nino's birthday, because there's no way in hell she's ruining Alya's year of work. She would have to NOT wish a close friend happy birthday. This mission would be tough. To be honest, Marinette would rather deal with 50 Alyas, all trying desperately to figure out Ladybug's secret identity. Compared to this, that would be a cakewalk. Not being kind, eugh. This was going to be tough, and she needed time to prepare. “H-hey, Adrien?” She asked, tentatively.Adrien was slumped over at his desk, hood covering his beautiful, blond locks of hair, which usually cascaded down his head, like a waterfall, and-- Yeah, Marinette might have a bit of a problem. “Hwaht?” Adrien mumbled. He lifted his head, and turned to face Marinette. The bags under his eyes were… new. Marinette could kind of understand. He had been akumatized yesterday. Though she’d never been akumatized, all her friends in class had gone through something similar when they had been akumatized. Some had it worse than others after, and she guessed Adrien wasn't dealing with it very well. He'd been seeming down for a while, though. There were less of his real smiles, and a lot more of his model-who's-posing-on-a-magazine-cover smiles. Marinette had studied his face long enough to know the difference. But, she supposed it was none of her business. If he was having post-akumization troubles, Nino would probably be a better confidant considering he's actually been akumatized before. “So um, you're a model,” she stated, voice rising like a question mark in the way that a teen girl's voice does. “How do you, um, act? Because uh it's-Nino's-birthday-today-and-I-don't-know-if-I'll-be-able-to-convince-him-I-forgot-and-I-really-don't-wanna-be-rude-but-I-have-to-for-his-surprise-party-but-um-yeah,” she babbled. “Huh?” Adrien said, with a slow blink. Oh right, Nino's birthday. The one he wouldn't be attending. His best friend's 18th birthday. His best friend who has thrown every birthday party he has ever had. “Oh, yeah. I guess you could just wish him happy birthday a bunch of times at the party? That should make up for it,” he said, slumping back down at his desk. Marinette couldn't hold back any longer. “Are, are you feeling okay? You seem, kind of, down,” she said. Adrien sat up, and shoved back his hood. “Why, of course, it's just me showing off my acting skills, as a model.” He grinned, and winked. Marinette furrowed her brows. “Well, okay…” It definitely was hard for her to resist that grin. But, that grin was just as real as the Ken-doll-posing-on-a-poster smile. And Marinette had SEEN his akuma. She had talked to the akuma. The general theme of the akuma was parents letting their kids do anything they wanted. Before the battle, Marinette was up in her room, procrastinating and pretending her homework was nonexistent. When she went downstairs for a ‘break’, her parents were acting pretty weird. They were sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The conversation went a little bit like: “Hey, what're you guys watching?” “What do YOU want to watch?” They asked in unison. The TV was off. “Oh, um, I was just taking a break from studying. I'll probably just go back up in a few minutes to keep working.” “Do you want us to help you study?” They asked, together. They both stood up, at the same time, and turned towards her, without moving a muscle. “No, I'm good. Th-thank you though.” She blinked, and they were back on the couch, staring at the blank TV. “Let us know if you need anything, Marinette. We are always happy to help.” “Right…” If Marinette had never seen an akuma before, then she probably would have chalked it up to her parents being weird. But, she had seen every akuma that had ever existed, and so it was pretty obvious what was going on. Eventually, she tracked down the akuma, called Momma's Boy. That was a hard one to fight. Because Chat Noir didn't show up, it was generally just a hard fight, and it always hurt to have someone you care about be akumatized. Still though, as they fought, she tried to talk the akuma down as usual. “Adrien, stop! You don't have to do this! You hate akumas!” “I hate parents more. But now, every parent in Paris listens to ME. Hawkmoth is a parent. He listens to me, too. I know who's dad he is.” Momma’s Boy smiled oddly. Then, he stiffened, and glared. “I need to find Gabriel Agreste. He wasn't at our house. I need to make him pay.” He went back to smiling, then. “Now, Hawkmoth is my father. He works with me. HE would let me go to any party I want. HE gave me these powers, but now I control him. I control every parent in Paris.” Again, his attitude shifted. “Now, WHERE is Gabriel Agreste? Are you hiding him?” As Momma's Boy sent waves of parents after her, the fight kept going in a similar way until she went to Master Fu’s to get the turtle miraculous. Marinette could assume that things between Adrien and his father weren't going too well. But, it still wasn't her job to pry. Class was starting soon, she should get her stuff out.


	3. Getting the Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, Gabriel had put it off long enough. All day, in fact. But there was no getting around it; It was time for Gabriel to give his son a talk about life. Specifically, the life he wouldn't keep for very long if he didn't give up his ring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up editing chapter 1 and 2, just adding a few paragraphs and changing my wording on a few things. It shouldn't make that much of a difference, but I'm definitely a lot happier with how it is now.

Today. Today, Gabriel Agreste would confront his son, Adrien. Today, Hawkmoth would confront his enemy, Chat Noir. If things went wrong, Gabriel was as good as jailed. High risks. But, Gabriel thought to himself, this was the only way out of the mess he had created. Today, Adrien would either join his cause and fight for his mother, or Adrien will die. 

    It was Thursday. If Gabriel remembered correctly, it was the day before that boy’s birthday. Maybe he could use that for incentive. Tell Adrien that if he joined him, he would get to go to the party. If being told that he was unable to go upset him enough to attract one of his akumas, then obviously the party meant a great deal to him. 

    Gabriel had no doubt that he would be able to convince Adrien to join him. Adrien was still a child, and was dependant on Gabriel's approval. If he were to give him a few words of praise, he most likely would come to his senses. That, plus the birthday party, and most importantly, getting his mother back, it would be easy to sway Adrien to his side. But, Gabriel still would have preferred being able to get rid of Chat Noir entirely. Adrien knowing his identity was a liability. At any point, he could betray Gabriel and steal the butterfly miraculous. But it wasn't like Gabriel could just make Adrien disappear. He was a famous little brat, and the news would be all over his disappearance just like they were when Emilie mysteriously went away. A second close family member dying might raise some suspicion… 

    He supposed it didn't matter. The plan was simple. Get Adrien to his side, take his ring, capture and kill Ladybug, and then he would have his wife back with just a snap of his fingers. Alternate plan if Adrien fails to use common sense: Kill Adrien, capture and kill Ladybug, and beg Emilie for forgiveness. Plan A has a better chance of working, but it's good to have a backup. Once Adrien got home from school, the first part of plan A would begin.

 

    Today really sucked, in Adrien's opinion. Ivan made a bet with Alix on how long it would take for Adrien to be akumatized. Since it took almost all year, Ivan apparently won. He was gloating about it all day, so that felt great. What was even worse was the looks he got from people. He thought that people would be used to akuma victims by now, but maybe not. He guessed he was dealing with it worse than the average person. Marinette kept glancing at him when she thought he couldn't tell, and looking away when he met her gaze. That was normal, an everyday routine (the inside jokes friends come up with can be the funniest) but today her expression showed she thought he was about to break. Adrien felt ashamed that everyone could tell that he was hurting that easily. So once he tired of all the pity in everyone's eyes, he plastered a smile on his face and tried to get through the day.

    At least it was 6th period, the last. One of the things about high school that Adrien really loved was that he was allowed to pick his own classes. 6th period was Theatre, relatively easy to deal with. Even his father couldn't force him into choosing the ‘right’ hobbies. His father.  Should Adrien go home tonight? It didn't seem safe. And not in the usual unsafe that his home usually was. When he and Ladybug fight Hawk- his father's akumas, his father never held anything back. Back when they had fought Dark Owl, one of the akumas they were the closest to losing to, Dark Owl threatened to suffocate them and take the miraculouses off their corpses if they didn't obey. Would his father show restraint now, because he knew it was his son he was trying to kill? 

    Adrien doubted it. The best he could do right now is play dumb and try to stall. For the most part, akuma victims never remember what happens during their akumatization. Adrien was different in that he could recall bits and pieces. It was safe to assume that his father didn't know how much Adrien was aware of. Once his father reveals himself as Hawkmoth, Adrien figured he was as good as dead. Anyway, class was starting, and Adrien had no more time to figure out how long he had to live. On the slim chance Adrien survived this whole ordeal, he should try to keep his grades up.

 

    Adrien was home. He sat through the car ride back in silence. Nathalie met him at the door. She stared at him, lips tightly shut. She clapped a hand on his shoulder, and gave him a regretful smile. Another person, pitying him for being akumatized. He smiled back.

    “Adrien,” his father began, walking into view. “I must speak with you. Follow me.” 

    ‘Oh my god,’ Adrien thought. ‘Wow, fuck, haha, I guess this is it. I did a nice job of stalling. Guess my father wanted to get the job done as soon as he could. Haha, wow. Wish I could've at least graduated high school first. If I run now can I at least try to tell the media who’s going to kill me? Can I tell Ladybug she'll need a new partner? Can Plagg take my ring and run again?’ Adrien followed his father, a slight smile on his face as he numbly walked over to his office. Adrien remembered yesterday, when he was in his father's office. He wished it would just be a punch this time.

    But maybe, he could look on the bright side. It’s over, he gets to rest. Maybe a few of his friends would miss him, but he didn't have that many anyway. Ladybug would beat his father with the help of Rena Rouge, Carapace, and maybe Chl-- Queen Bee. This wouldn't be so bad. Hopefully, his father does it fast. Adrien steeled himself, and promised to himself that when the time came, he wouldn't flinch.

    Gabriel closed the door once both of them were inside. “Adrien, I have something to tell you.” Adrien nodded, resolute. Gabriel walked over to the large painting he kept in the room. It was of Adrien's mother, who was portrayed as the woman from “The Secret Lives of Color.” Emilie was in a golden dress, with mounds of gold behind her. Adrien never really liked that painting. His father had it made soon after his mother's disappearance. It just made Adrien feel worse every time he saw it. His mother was never like that. She was so down to earth, at least from what Adrien remembered. She spent her time trying to just make people happy. There wasn't anyone she couldn't make laugh. God, Adrien missed her. The last time he saw her, besides in a picture, was when he watched that movie with his father. That was the last time his father had even acknowledged that maybe, Adrien missed her too. At least now Adrien would get to see her again.

    “Do you know why I have this painting, Adrien?” Gabriel asked, turning to him after both of them were done contemplating the painting.

    “Because, because you miss her?” Adrien offered, still staring at the painting.

    “Do you?” 

    “Yes,” Adrien stated, glancing down at the floor. If his father thought he would be opening up about his feelings before he died, he was mistaken.

    “If you could get her back, what lengths would you go to? Would you hurt people? Would you kill? How much do you miss her?” The sudden questions startled Adrien. What did this have to do with anything?

    “I-I don't know…” Adrien said, still staring at the floor. When was his father going to reveal himself? 

    “I know what I would do, in order to get her back. I would hurt people. I HAVE hurt people,” he said. “I would kill. If I had to end every other person on this world to bring her back to this world, then I would do so in a heartbeat. She is everything to me.” Gabriel turned back to stare at the painting, lost in thought.

    “Have you ever heard of a miraculous?” He continued.

    “No, what's a miraculous?” Adrien asked. It sounded like his father thought that somehow hurting people as Hawkmoth would bring his mother back. Adrien didn't know where he had gotten that idea, but it didn't seem to make much sense. That book, that he found behind this painting all those years ago, had a lot about the miraculouses. Now, it kind of made sense as to why his father had it. Wait. 

    ‘Oh my god, Ladybug guessed that my father was Hawkmoth! She was right! Holy shit,’ he thought. If he made it out of here, he'd definitely have to congratulate her on being a frickin’ junior detective. God, if Ladybug had been Father’s kid instead, he probably never would have became Hawkmoth in the first place.

    “A miraculous is a piece of jewelry that grants the holder amazing powers. The two strongest ones are the ladybug miraculous and the black cat miraculous. Earrings, and a ring.”

    “So that means…” Adrien said, trying to figure out what his father wanted to hear. “Ladybug and Chat Noir have miraculouses?”

    “Those two miraculouses,” he continued, with a nod, “when worn together, transforms the wearer into a god. With the newfound power, they get one wish.” 

    That, Adrien didn't know. That must be his father’s goal, then, why he wanted the miraculouses so badly. “Is that, is that why Hawkmoth wants the miraculouses?” Adrien asked.

    “Yes,” Gabriel said with a small smile. “That's why I want the miraculouses.” Adrien forced his jaw to drop, and tried to feign surprise, shock, whatever would make his father think that he had no clue what was going on. 

    “Oh. So that means… You're…?”

    “As well as that, I know that you are Chat Noir.

    “Oh.” Adrien really didn't know what else to say. He knew all of this. He had the entire day to absorb the fact that his father was Hawkmoth and that he wanted to kill him. “Am I going to die now?” 

    Hawk-- His father chuckled. “Not if you do the right thing.” He cracked his knuckles. “Now, you have two choices. Hand over your miraculous, and we'll get your mother back. Or,” he said with a pause, “We can have a friendly ‘sparring match,’ just you and your ‘pops,’” he said, sarcasm lacing his voice. 

    “I guess it's safe to assume that there's only one way I'm walking out of this alive.” Tears pricked at the edges of Adrien's eyes. He brought his shaky hand down, prepared to remove his ring. Of course, he had no real intention of removing the ring. But what was he supposed to do?

    “Are you INSANE?” Plagg exclaimed, darting out from between a pair of books on a nearby bookshelf. “Don't hand over the ring!”

    Adrien jolted, took back the hand preparing to remove the black cat miraculous, and clenched his fists.

    “Your kwami,” Gabriel stated. “Either control it, or take the ring off.” Plagg wrinkled his nose in distaste at this, disgusted by the fact that the small god was seen as something to be controlled.

    “You know,” Plagg said, darting up to meet Gabriel at eye level. “I'm almost glad that you found out the kid's Chat Noir. Now, I can claw the eyes out of your sockets for what you've done to him all these years,” Plagg snarled, summoning cataclysm. Adrien pulled him away, silently begging him not to hurt his father. Maybe Plagg didn't know, but that was just how parents were. Plagg glanced at Adrien, seeing him fighting off tears. But then, it was like someone flipped a switch.

    “Plagg. Shut it,” Adrien ordered. Plagg opened his mouth to retort. He could not. The skin, and fur, of his face had fused together, covering his mouth completely. Of course, Plagg had experienced this before. The black cat miraculous was absolutely beautiful to anyone who wanted to do harm. The power of destruction always lured in all the horrible people. Hawkmoth, though evil, was nothing close to the worst. Plagg had seen the worst. Maybe it could just be chalked up to bad luck. But, with Adrien, though, he had never experienced anything close to demanding, or even bossy. Hell, the kid even bought him a cat bed. A cat bed. Needless to say, even if Plagg had the ability to speak, he would have been shocked into silence. Adrien turned back to his father, and sauntered closer.

    “Say, Father,” he began. “Maybe the ring by itself would be useful. But, wouldn't a free sidekick be even better? I can do the heavy lifting out in the field,” he said, smiling at his father. “While you stay in your lair, creating akumas.”

    His father smiled. “I think that's the smartest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth. How would you feel about going to a birthday party?”

 

    “What the hell was that?” Plagg shouted, betrayed. The two were now back in Adrien's room. His father had released them, apparently content with the conversation. “I thought we were friends. I thought you cared, what would Master Fu say? What would Ladybug say?”

    “You think I WANTED to say yes? You think I was eagerly awaiting that conversation? That was the only way I could think of to get me out of that goddamn office alive with the miraculous,” he choked.

    “You knew? You knew he was Hawkmoth and you didn't say anything? Do you even WANT to beat him? Tell me Adrien. Tell me, right fucking now, because I’m done with being double crossed and lied to and, who’s side are you even on?”

    “What was I supposed to do? You think I wanted to be akumatized? You think I wanted this to happen? You think I wa--” Adrien gasped, sobs wracking through his body. He took a step back, another, until he was backed up against a wall. He slid down, hyperventilating.

    “Hey, kid…” Plagg said, concern flashing across his face. “I'm sorry, I thought you…” Adrien curled up, hiding his face in between his knees. He let out another sob. “I thought you had betrayed me. I'm sorry.”

    “It, it's, it’s oka, it's okay,” he said, gasping. “I'm, I'm so, I'm sorry.”

    Plagg flew up and sat on his knee, headbutting him in the affectionate way a cat shows its care. He started to purr, doing his best to try and calm Adrien down. They could figure this out in the morning.


	4. Why Was He Born so Beautiful, Why Was He Born at All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Nino's birthday, and the day couldn't be any more normal! Nino's late, again, so is Marinette, again, everything is as it should be.

“Nino, for the last time, get up! You’re gonna be late!” Nino’s brother shouted. Nino groaned, and shifted on his mattress. Chris, his little brother, always had the pleasure of waking him up on school days. Nino missed being able to sleep in until like nine. He sat up, confused for a seconds about where the hell his blankets were. Nino had kicked them off in the middle of the night; it had gotten too hot again. He groped at his nightstand, searching for his glasses. Once he'd located them, and slid them onto his face, he saw his alarm clock.

    “Fuck!” He shouted, scrambling out of bed. It was seven fourteen. School started in like fifteen minutes. He was maybe probably definitely going to be late again, Chris was right. But, he thought with a sigh, at least it was his birthday. As time went on, and Nino grew, a birthday wasn't something he counted the days down to like he used to when he was younger. Still though, it was a good opportunity to get together with friends. He'd been lucky enough for his birthday to fall on a Friday, and considering it was his eighteenth, that was something to be excited about. He's old enough now to drink spirits and liquor, and tonight he has no fear of having to wake up early the next morning.

    Checking his phone, which was lying on his bed (he had forgotten to plug it in again), Nino thought it was kinda weird that he didn't get a goodmorning text from Alya. Not to say that it was something she needed to do every day, he thought, quickly backtracking in his head. But when you consider that he'd gotten one for like, every day for the past year? It was a little strange.

    Eh, at least it gave him the opportunity to text HER awake. As he typed out a message, filled with <3’s, he saw the time in the corner of the screen. Shit, it’s seven twenty now. Maybe he'd better just tell her good morning at school.

    After hurriedly throwing on clothes, specifically a t-shirt, jeans, and his headphones which weren't technically clothes but Mari seems to be a good role model when it comes to what to wear. Accessories are apparently needed, cause’ Nino's never seen Marinette without her earrings. Once he'd haphazardly shoved all his books and papers into his backpack, Nino rushed down the stairs, shouting a quick “Bye guys love you see you after school.”

    Nino didn't really have time for breakfast if he wanted to get to school on time, and that kind of sucked. Maybe he could ask Alya, Adrien, and Mari if they could all go out somewhere for lunch. That'd definitely be worth it. Speed walking out of his house, just barely remembering to shut the door, Nino started on his way to school.

 

    It wasn't until 4th period that Nino got to see any of his friends. He had some friends in his other classes, of course, but they were the sort of friends that only talk to you because you're convenient. Or at least, that's how Nino saw it. But 4th period, he had Physics with Mari. Nino was glad that his teacher let everyone choose their own seats, cause’ he gets to sit with Mari. When he walked into the classroom, seconds after the bell rang (it isn't his fault his classes are spaced so far apart) he saw Mari sitting at her desk, fidgeting.

    Nino figured this was about Adrien, one way or another. Not to say that she's obsessed, just that generally she only freaks out when sunshine's involved. He walked over and plopped down in his seat, the one left of hers.

    “Hey Mari, guess what day it is?” Nino asked, unzipping his backpack.

    “Haha Friday? May 15th? The day before Saturday? Physics class? 4th period? Uh oh looks like I'm out of guesses, and class is starting haha I'm going to listen to music now,” she responded, pulling earbuds out of her pocket, and jamming them into her ears. She didn't plug them in to her phone.

    “O...kay, sounds good. Y'know actually, I've been working on a new song, wanna hear it?”

    “Sure happy b--, happy to listen!” Nino pulled up the song, grabbed the headphone jack of Mari's earbuds, plugged them into his phone, and pressed play.

    “Dude, you should get some airpods,” Nino said. Mari just gave him a deadpan look, then turned back to face the front of the room, focusing on Nino's music. The song was just a couple of minutes long, but before Mari could really listen to it, Mrs. Mendeleiev sent a glare towards the both of them. Nino smiled sheepishly, while Mari continued to stare off into space, distracted. Damn. She had some balls to ignore Mrs Mendeleiev, that teacher's scary.

    “Ms. Dupain-Cheng,” Mendeleiev began, stopping in the middle of the notes. “Since whatever you are listening to is so interesting, would you like to play it for the class?” Mari jolted, and tugged out her earbuds. Huh, guess she wasn't ignoring her, just distracted. Poor Mari. Either way…

    “Psst! Mari!” Nino whispered to her. “Play the song for the class! I don't get publicity like this often!” Mari groaned, and hung her head in defeat. She reset the song to the beginning, and played it out loud for the class. After about thirty seconds of the song, Mrs. Mendeleiev held out a hand to signal for her to stop.

    “Alright, Ms. Dupain-Cheng, just keep the phone away in class.” She turned back towards the board, preparing to go back to teaching.

    “No, wait,” Nino interjected. “This is like, the second best part.” The teacher rolled her eyes, and waited another thirty seconds or so. 

    “Nino c'mon, we gotta learn this for the test next week,” Mari whispered to him. Nino sighed and paused the song for her. Guess it was time for notes. He could talk with her after class.

 

    “Dude! Mari!” Nino said to Mari, as she hastily packed up her things. 

    “Heh, heh yeah?” Mari said, packing up faster.

    “You wanna go out to lunch with me, Adrien, and Alya? Cause it's my birth--”

    “YEAH OF COURSE, I'D LOVE TO GO I'LL GO GET ALYA AND ADRIEN HAHA BYE,” she shouted, speed walking out of the room. She didn't even zip up her backpack. Marinette only slowed down once it was obvious Nino wasn't following her. She sighed in relief, and plopped down on a bench outside of Ms. Bustier’s classroom. Alya and Adrien both had English together fourth period, and they should be somewhere around here.

    “Hey, Marinette,” Adrien mumbled. 

    “Oh, hey Adrien! Nino wanted to know if you and Alya wanted to go out for lunch, cause it's his birthday,” she said.

    “Oh yeah, I just talked to him. Him and Alya are waiting by the front of the school,” he responded. “Figure'd I should give them some time alone.” 

    “We better go help her out, I've been struggling to keep the surprise party a secret all period.” Marinette stood up, and secured the backpack straps on her shoulders. 

    “Alright, sounds good to me,” Adrien responded, pulling up the hood on his hoodie.

    “Where's your white button up been these past few days? I've never seen you not wearing it at school,” Marinette said, beginning to walk down the hallway.

    “Eh, I had to throw it away,” Adrien muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets.

    “Oh no, I'm sorry Adrien, that sucks! Why'd you have to throw it away?” 

    “Don't worry about it Marinette, I'm used to fucking everything up, heh.”

    “Um, what?” 

    “Oh, there’s Alya and Nino!” Adrien said, jogging up to meet the couple. 

    “There you two are! What'd you guys get up to while we were gone?” Alya asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively?”

    “Alya!” Marinette angrily stage whispered.

    “So yeah, dudes, you guys wanna go get pizza? Since it's my birthday, I think we should all like, do something,” Nino said, putting a stop to this branch of the conversation. 

    Adrien, Alya, and Marinette just looked at each other. They all made eye contact. Alya inhaled, and slowly exhaled.

    “What're you talking about babe? It isn't your birthday?” Alya said.

    “I… think I would know when my birthday is. I was kinda… there.” 

    “No, you’re definitely remembering wrong,” Marinette said. “June 9th, wasn’t it?”

    “Yup, June 9th,” Adrien confirmed. “That was a wild party.” 

    “You've… never been to one of my birthday parties, Adrien.”

    “Oh yeah? Tell that to my dad, cause’ I get to go to your 18th birthday party,” Adrien said. Alya not-so-subtly kicked his shin.

    “I mean!” Adrien continued. “Because I'm going out to lunch with you guys! For pizza! Let's go!” Adrien, Nino, and Alya started booking it for the school entrance, leaving Nino to wonder what the fuck was up with them.

 

    “Alya, what kind of pizza are you gonna get?” Nino asked. Before Alya could respond, Marinette interjected.

    “She better not be getting pineapple.” Marinette said, doodling on a napkin.

    “It’s gotta be hawaiian,” Alya said. “And, Marinette, how does this make you feel?”

    “I don't know doc, could I maybe draw my feelings?” Marinette said, with a sad look on her face.

    “Of course,” Alya said sympathetically. “Take all the time you need. Our session doesn't end for,” she checked her phone. “Ten minutes.”

    Marinette sketched on the napkin a crude drawing of a pineapple, circled and crossed out. Next to it, a hand holding up its middle finger was quickly drawn. Alya nodded knowingly.

    “Whaddabout you, Adrien? Pepperoni again?” Nino asked.

    “Wha?” Adrien mumbled. He sniffled. “Yeah, I guess. I'm gonna go wash my hands.” He stood up and walked towards the back of the building.

    “Uh, I think the bathrooms are the other way!” Marinette said, helpfully.

    “Right, thanks,” Adrien muttered in response, head down.

    “Y'know, I'm kind of worried about him,” Alya said, once Adrien was out of earshot.

    “Yeah, earlier today he said he was ‘used to fucking things up'” Marinette said.

    “I guess it makes sense though, he was akumatized just a few days ago. When I was akumatized, I felt shitty for a bit,” Nino said.

    “Yeah, same,” Alya said. “But like, at least with us we talk about stuff. I've never seen Adrien even like, openly frown.”

    “I dunno. I guess all we can do is wait for him to come to us. I don't wanna like, butt in,” Nino said.

    “I guess,” Marinette sighed. “And also, I refuse to eat at this table if there will be pineapple here.”

   “Yeah right, I’ll give you a slice if you ask nicely Mari, you don't have to pretend to have bad taste,” Alya said, nudging her with her shoulder.

    “Bad taste? There's only one person here with bad taste and that's the person who wore crocs to a school dance.”

    “Okay, but they're COMFY,” Nino stated.

  
  


    Adrien should go back out there. He knows this, and every few minutes he tells himself that he should open the door, walk back out to the table, and smile. But he knows that if he tried he'd probably just start crying. And then everyone would be worried, and it's Nino's birthday so Adrien can't make it all about him, and god it's been like 5 minutes now he should really go back out there.

    He hadn't meant to make himself feel bad. He was just thinking, at the table, and after a while he was just struggling not to cry.

    Plagg's still asleep in his backpack. Maybe not asleep, but he’s still in the backpack. Adrien thought the smell of cheese would have woken him up, but he guessed it wasn't high quality cheese so it wasn't worth waking up for. Sometimes, Adrien wonders if his kwami is happy. Maybe Plagg would be happier with a better wielder? One who didn't get akumatized, one who wasn't crying all the time, one who didn't fucking give in to Hawkmoth and tell him he would start working for the wrong side. Sometimes, Adrien wonders if he should give up the ring.

    It would be simple. Walk to Master Fu's, leave the box and the ring in his massage parlor, and then walk away. Ladybug would get a better partner, someone who didn't get mind controlled or erased or any other way he's been decapacitated. The ring would be safe. Because any day now, his father could just decide to slit his throat in the middle of the night and take his ring. Maybe Adrien should just do it himself.

    He'd brought the knife with him, to school. It was technically against the rules; if he were caught with it he would be at the very least suspended.

    Right now, Adrien was on the verge of tears. If he went back out there, he would almost certainly cause a scene. But… he knew a way to make himself feel better. He opened the knife.


End file.
